Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
