its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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