Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
