So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
