If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
