WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
