Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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