dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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