i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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