a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
