New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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