this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
