I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize