Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
