I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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