he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
