honey bunches of taint.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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