Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
