I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
