Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
