About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Randomize
