What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
