You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
