Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
