That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sarcasm needs its own font
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
