Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
