So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
