he puts the penis in happiness.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
