Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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