my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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