i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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