Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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