giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize