just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize