apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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