oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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