Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize