At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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