I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
