at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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