this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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