we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
