can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How naked do you want me to be?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
