My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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