just tell him i said nine months
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
