For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
