If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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