i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize