They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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