it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
