I accidentally burped into my bong.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize