He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
