Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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