Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
