u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
