she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize