I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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