Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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