So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
