You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
God, I missed his penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
