No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
