my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
