What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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