Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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