I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
