I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
