she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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