We named our party play list daddy issues
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
why is half of my head shaved?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
