walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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