You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
