So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
