I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
