Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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