the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
