Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
