we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
