so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize