Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's blow job season.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
