better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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