Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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