Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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