My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
