my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize