you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
