If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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