So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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