Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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