thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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