I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize