Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
